The McDo Challenge

• By ebotpandayan
• Posted in Uncategorized
• On April 3, 2019
• 8 Comments.

How to eat a Big Mac without your burger spilling out?

No way! Take a bite, and your patty, cheese, and all the greens and condiments slide off to the side of your hamburger, leaving you to eat a mess. It happened to me many times, and I promised myself I would never have those burgers again. Promises are made to be broken, remember?

Earlier, Mel, a friend from our college days and, like me, a Balikbayan, suggested that we get a body massage. He knew of a local massage parlor in a town next to ours that could deliver us from our misery, he said. I have a frozen shoulder, my friend, and a back problem. Oh, I think I’ve been there before if he meant this all-male body massage parlor, which has become quite popular among many friends of the same feather, if you know what I mean. Very shady, this one. You don’t want to go there unless you are genuinely curious and want to be asked at the end of the session if you would like to receive a special offer – a sensual experience. Sounds esoteric, you get curious. Okay, go ahead, and let’s compare notes when you’re done.

I compared notes with this friend who had a back problem. How was it? He asked. Swimming in oil, I said. No, I did not bite the offer and did not eat anything else offered to me. I had a whole-body massage combination, which I picked from the list of services written on their bulletin board—one hour for 350 pesos. What exactly is a massage combo, I asked the guy who was to be my masseur. Shiatsu and a regular massage. Whatever, I said. Please do it! I like it hard. Rough, rather.

“Done, sir! “my masseur told me, slapping my bottom after a one-hour session. “Thank you, “I said as I started to get up, my skin shimmering with what smelled like cooking oil. “No sensual massage, sir? “No, thank you, I said. It’s a special offer, one thousand pesos, which includes the price for a standard massage. The masseur was giving me the hard sell. That was roughly twenty euros. Tempting, tempting, but no thanks. Ganun? Ganun! (Is that so? You bet!) Tamaan man ng kidlat! (even if a lightning bolt strikes me). I looked out the window. Clear skies, knowing it won’t likely happen.

“How much did you tip him?” Mel asked me. Two hundred, I lied. I saw the guy at the counter giving him a 200-peso bill change for his 500-peso bill, and gave 100 pesos to his masseur. Your friend was a regular, my masseur told me and that Mel has brought several clients to the place. “Is that so?” I feigned surprise. “You know Mr. E?” I asked. Oh, yes, he said. Like  Sir M, they were our devoted clients. And then there was another, a very holy person. Oh, I know, I said. Saints and sinners!

“I’m hungry. Let’s do McDo,” I told Mel as we left the place. He was wearing a big smile, like the McDonald’s smiley face. I wonder why!