The McDo Challenge

• By ebotpandayan
• Posted in Uncategorized
• On April 3, 2019
• 8 Comments.

How to eat a Big Mac without your burger spilling out

No way! Take a bite, and your patty and cheese and all the greens and condiments slide on the side of your hamburger that you end up eating a mess. It happened to me many times, and I promised myself never to have those burgers again. Promises are made to be broken, remember?

Earlier, a friend suggested that we get a body massage. He knew of a local massage parlor in a town next to ours that could deliver us from our misery, he said. I have a frozen shoulder, my friend, a back problem. Oh, I think I’ve been there before if he meant this all-male body massage parlor, which has become quite popular among many friends of the same feather if you know what I mean. Very shady, this one. You don’t want to go there unless you are plain curious and want to get asked at the end of the session if you would like to have a special offer – a sensual experience. Sounds esoteric, you get curious. Ok, go, and let’s compare notes when you’re done.

I compared notes with this friend who had a back problem. How was it? He asked. Swimming in oil, I said. No, I did not bite the offer and did not eat anything else offered to me. I had a whole-body massage combination, which I picked from the list of services written on their bulletin board—one hour for 350 pesos. What exactly is a massage combi, I asked the guy who was to be my Masahista (masseur). Shiatsu and a regular massage. Whatever, I said. Please do it! I like it hard. Rough, rather.

“Done, sir! “my masseur told me, slapping my bottom after a one-hour session. “Thank you, “I said as I started to get up, my skin shimmering with what smelled like cooking oil. “No sensual massage, sir? “No, thank you, I said. It’s a special offer, one thousand pesos, includes the price for a standard massage. The masseur was giving me the hard sell. That was roughly twenty euros. Tempting, tempting, but no thanks. Ganun? Ganun! I looked out the window. Clear skies. Tamaan man ng kidlat! (even if a lightning bolt strikes me).

“How much did you tip him? “my friend asked me. Two hundred, I lied. I saw the guy at the counter giving him a 200-peso bill change to his 500 and gave 100 to his masseur. My friend was a regular, my masseur told me. He has brought several clients to the place. “Is that so? ” I feigned surprise. “You know Mr. E then? “I asked. Oh, yes, he said. Like Sir M, they’re regular clients. And then there was this other guy who has something to do with the hollies. Oh, I know, I said. Saints and sinners!

“I’m hungry. Let’s do McDo,” I told my friend as we left the place. He was wearing a big smile, like that McDo smiley. I wonder why!